Entertainment

Kim Jong-un to Change Last Name to ‘Kardashian’

In an effort to increase his international fame, Kim Jong-un will be changing his last name to ‘Kardashian’.

Kardashian, the last name of a well-known U.S. socialite family, will officially be recognized as Jong-un’s new last name during a military ceremony in the capital, Pyongyang.

“This will be a monumental moment in my life as I take another step forward in my quest of international stardom,” Jong-un stated as he puckered his lips. “Being able to identify as Kim Kardashian only feels right.”

The ceremony will include a parade of plastic surgeons, paparazzi, and photoshop specialists.

Politics

Bill Clinton Matches With Monica Lewinsky On Tinder And It’s Blowing Everyone Away

Reports have surfaced that Bill Clinton may be rekindling an old fire with someone he matched with on the popular dating site, Tinder.  Last week, Bill Clinton’s fateful right-swipe landed him on a date with Monica Lewinsky – an infamous character of Clinton’s past. Continue reading “Bill Clinton Matches With Monica Lewinsky On Tinder And It’s Blowing Everyone Away” →

In The News

Cure Found For Trust Fund Babies Born With Small Penises

It’s a great day  if you’re a trust fund baby born with a small penis.  A groundbreaking cure is set to hit the market to treat Tragic Insufficient Penis Syndrome, commonly known as TIP Syndrome. TIP Syndrome effects 500,000 U.S. males of the nation’s top 1% wealthiest.    Continue reading “Cure Found For Trust Fund Babies Born With Small Penises” →

Local

Frat Boy Leaves Fraternity After Realizing They Aren’t His Actual Brothers

Sigma Alpha Epsilon, SAE, member Brady Gates was apart of the fraternity for two years before realizing they weren’t who they said they were.  After the fraternity at Oklahoma University held its family weekend, Gates made a realization that changed his life forever. Continue reading “Frat Boy Leaves Fraternity After Realizing They Aren’t His Actual Brothers” →

Local

The 84th Grand Sand Castle Competition Adds New Regulations To Prevent Sandgate 2019

Last year’s 83rd Grand Sand Castle Competition was plagued by scandals dubbing it Sandgate 2018. Nine contestants were disqualified for using imported sand from the Galapagos Islands where the beaches are renown across the world as having the best sand for building sand castles. Continue reading “The 84th Grand Sand Castle Competition Adds New Regulations To Prevent Sandgate 2019” →