Mexico’s Department of Wildlife (MDW) has announced it will be changing the name of the native rattlesnake to ‘Maracasnake’ with the hopes of accomplishing absolutely nothing. Continue reading “Mexico Changes Name of ‘Rattlesnake’ to ‘Maracasnake’”
Decades-old yearbook photos are obligating politicians to give half-assed apologies for dressing up as Confederates, Nazis and black people at racist frat parties across Southern states. Continue reading “Some Politician Somewhere Half-Heartedly Regrets Photos From Some Racist Frat Party”
R. Kelly, who turned himself in to Chicago Police for 10 counts of aggravated criminal sexual abuse, sold his beanie baby collection to finance his bail. Continue reading “R. Kelly Sold His Beanie Baby Collection to Post Bail”
Tekashi 6ix9ine will not be prosecuted due to his complete cooperation with the U.S. Attorney’s Office in the Southern District of New York. In other words, Tekashi 6ix9ine snitched to avoid serving a lengthy jail sentence. Continue reading “Tekashi 6ix9ine Snitched on Robert Kraft”
The Flatulence Association of Reflexive Tendencies (FART) has concluded a study that found 97% of males enjoy the smell of their own farts. The study was based on a sample size of 3,447 men across 27 states. Continue reading “Study Finds that 97% of Men Enjoy the Smell of Their Own Farts”
The Los Angeles Kings have been battling all season to not be the worst team in the NHL. Currently at their wit’s end, a rumor is circulating that they are going to ask the Lakers if they can borrow Lebron to help boost their record and attendance. Continue reading “Rumor: LA Kings Will Ask Lakers To Borrow Lebron In Desperate Attempt To Save Failing Season”
In a desperate move to bring world-class talent to a talentless baseball club, the San Diego Padres offered star baseball player Manny Machado $300 million to swing a bat in Sunny San Diego. The Padres, who are now looking deep into their clubhouse’s couch cushions for loose change, have also started a GoFundMe page to help finance Machado’s contract. Continue reading “San Diego Padres Start GoFundMe to Help Pay For Manny Machado’s $300M Contract”
Reports have surfaced that Bill Clinton may be rekindling an old fire with someone he matched with on the popular dating site, Tinder. Last week, Bill Clinton’s fateful right-swipe landed him on a date with Monica Lewinsky – an infamous character of Clinton’s past. Continue reading “Bill Clinton Matches With Monica Lewinsky On Tinder And It’s Blowing Everyone Away”
It’s a great day if you’re a trust fund baby born with a small penis. A groundbreaking cure is set to hit the market to treat Tragic Insufficient Penis Syndrome, commonly known as TIP Syndrome. TIP Syndrome effects 500,000 U.S. males of the nation’s top 1% wealthiest. Continue reading “Cure Found For Trust Fund Babies Born With Small Penises”
Sigma Alpha Epsilon, SAE, member Brady Gates was apart of the fraternity for two years before realizing they weren’t who they said they were. After the fraternity at Oklahoma University held its family weekend, Gates made a realization that changed his life forever. Continue reading “Frat Boy Leaves Fraternity After Realizing They Aren’t His Actual Brothers”
