With a 12% increase of homicides in Los Angeles in 2021 and wave of thefts plaguing the city, the Los Angeles City Council and police have lost complete control. The residents of Los Angeles have reached their breaking point after 17 train cars from a Union Pacific train were derailed at a location where cargo thefts have been occurring for months.
Continue reading “Batman Denies Callings to Save Los Angeles”
On Tuesday, the Federal Dogjump Association, FDA, announced its all-time champion will be stripped of its championship titles. Guss, a 6 year-old Chocolate Labrador Retriever, will have to surrender his three championship trophies, gold plated water bowls, and coveted collars.
Continue reading “Champion Dog Jumper Loses Accolades Over Sexual Assault Allegations”
In a surprising move, the Pennsylvania State Supreme Court ruled to overturn Bill Cosby’s conviction. In an even more surprising move, upon his release Cosby was hired as a craft-bartender in the Greater Los Angeles area.
Ruf Lin, bar owner in West Hollywood, gave Bill Cosby’s career one last hope.
Continue reading “Bill Cosby Hired as Craft-Bartender After Being Released from Jail”
In an effort to increase his international fame, Kim Jong-un will be changing his last name to ‘Kardashian’.
Kardashian, the last name of a well-known U.S. socialite family, will officially be recognized as Jong-un’s new last name during a military ceremony in the capital, Pyongyang.
The National Junior College Association has released its ranking of the top 25 Junior colleges in the U.S. Based off academic and athletic merits, the publication assessed institutions across the country. Nestling in at No. 12, Michigan State University found its spot.
Continue reading “Michigan State Ranks Amongst the Top 25 Junior Colleges in the U.S.”
Mexico’s Department of Wildlife (MDW) has announced it will be changing the name of the native rattlesnake to ‘Maracasnake’ with the hopes of accomplishing absolutely nothing. Continue reading “Mexico Changes Name of ‘Rattlesnake’ to ‘Maracasnake’”
Decades-old yearbook photos are obligating politicians to give half-assed apologies for dressing up as Confederates, Nazis and black people at racist frat parties across Southern states. Continue reading “Some Politician Somewhere Half-Heartedly Regrets Photos From Some Racist Frat Party”
The Flatulence Association of Reflexive Tendencies (FART) has concluded a study that found 97% of males enjoy the smell of their own farts. The study was based on a sample size of 3,447 men across 27 states. Continue reading “Study Finds that 97% of Men Enjoy the Smell of Their Own Farts”
Reports have surfaced that Bill Clinton may be rekindling an old fire with someone he matched with on the popular dating site, Tinder. Last week, Bill Clinton’s fateful right-swipe landed him on a date with Monica Lewinsky – an infamous character of Clinton’s past. Continue reading “Bill Clinton Matches With Monica Lewinsky On Tinder And It’s Blowing Everyone Away”
It’s a great day if you’re a trust fund baby born with a small penis. A groundbreaking cure is set to hit the market to treat Tragic Insufficient Penis Syndrome, commonly known as TIP Syndrome. TIP Syndrome effects 500,000 U.S. males of the nation’s top 1% wealthiest. Continue reading “Cure Found For Trust Fund Babies Born With Small Penises”
The Hampton Herald 