PETA is no stranger to making obscene examples of themselves in the news but they may have just reached a new low. As the world is being swept by Pokemon Go, PETA is saying Pokemon No.
“We need to stand up for these digital creatures! Even though they are made of pixels and aren’t living, breathing beings, they still need to have a voice and we are here to be that voice!” PETA member and Pokemon No campaign leader Bridgette “Sunshine Flower” Jones said. “I could never imagine being held captive in a pokeball. It’s too small and it’s inhumane.”
Nintendo, the creators of Pokemon Go, have yet to respond and most likely wont because it has billions of dollars to make.
Mexico’s Department of Wildlife (MDW) has announced it will be changing the name of the native rattlesnake to ‘Maracasnake’ with the hopes of accomplishing absolutely nothing. Continue reading “Mexico Changes Name of ‘Rattlesnake’ to ‘Maracasnake’”
Decades-old yearbook photos are obligating politicians to give half-assed apologies for dressing up as Confederates, Nazis and black people at racist frat parties across Southern states. Continue reading “Some Politician Somewhere Half-Heartedly Regrets Photos From Some Racist Frat Party”
The Flatulence Association of Reflexive Tendencies (FART) has concluded a study that found 97% of males enjoy the smell of their own farts. The study was based on a sample size of 3,447 men across 27 states. Continue reading “Study Finds that 97% of Men Enjoy the Smell of Their Own Farts”
Reports have surfaced that Bill Clinton may be rekindling an old fire with someone he matched with on the popular dating site, Tinder. Last week, Bill Clinton’s fateful right-swipe landed him on a date with Monica Lewinsky – an infamous character of Clinton’s past. Continue reading “Bill Clinton Matches With Monica Lewinsky On Tinder And It’s Blowing Everyone Away”
It’s a great day if you’re a trust fund baby born with a small penis. A groundbreaking cure is set to hit the market to treat Tragic Insufficient Penis Syndrome, commonly known as TIP Syndrome. TIP Syndrome effects 500,000 U.S. males of the nation’s top 1% wealthiest. Continue reading “Cure Found For Trust Fund Babies Born With Small Penises”
Sigma Alpha Epsilon, SAE, member Brady Gates was apart of the fraternity for two years before realizing they weren’t who they said they were. After the fraternity at Oklahoma University held its family weekend, Gates made a realization that changed his life forever. Continue reading “Frat Boy Leaves Fraternity After Realizing They Aren’t His Actual Brothers”
Last year’s 83rd Grand Sand Castle Competition was plagued by scandals dubbing it Sandgate 2018. Nine contestants were disqualified for using imported sand from the Galapagos Islands where the beaches are renown across the world as having the best sand for building sand castles. Continue reading “The 84th Grand Sand Castle Competition Adds New Regulations To Prevent Sandgate 2019”
Hard at work or too busy being the cutest little Buzz Lightyear out there? Both! 25-year-old Rodd Ganss, won multiple awards for a costume he wore to a contest held at his work. Continue reading “Austin Resident Wins An Array of Awards For Being Utterly Adorable”
Scientists published a new study to the Journal of Snorting Devices earlier this week stating that taquitos originated as a device for Mayans to snort peyote – a hallucinogenic drug. This new information answers many questions regarding ancient mayan snorting methods. Continue reading “Taquitos Originated As Ancient Mayan Tool To Snort Peyote”