In a surprising move, the Pennsylvania State Supreme Court ruled to overturn Bill Cosby’s conviction. In an even more surprising move, upon his release Cosby was hired as a craft-bartender in the Greater Los Angeles area.
Ruf Lin, bar owner in West Hollywood, gave Bill Cosby’s career one last hope.
“I’m a long time fan. I collect fuzzy sweaters, eat pudding two to three times a day and I also serve up the best drinks,” Lin said. “If Bill can get his arthritis cleared up, he will be a great asset to my bar’s team.”
Cosby is set to start his first shift this Friday and will be introducing his unforgettable Cosby Colada. Cosby instills craft, thought and decorative touches into his drinks that knock people’s socks off. To preserve the integrity of his craft, Cosby is known to step behind a curtain to add his final, magical touches.
“Yes, I have heard he puts his secret powdered substance in drinks to ‘explore ones taste buds’ but I can’t remember if I’ve tried one or not.” Lin added. “Either way, I can’t wait to try it!”
Check in next week for the follow up story of Cosby’s unforgettable first night behind the bar serving drinks at The Knockout Bar.
If you’ve read this article up until this point thinking this is a real news piece, please get a grip on reality.
In an effort to increase his international fame, Kim Jong-un will be changing his last name to ‘Kardashian’.
Kardashian, the last name of a well-known U.S. socialite family, will officially be recognized as Jong-un’s new last name during a military ceremony in the capital, Pyongyang.
“This will be a monumental moment in my life as I take another step forward in my quest of international stardom,” Jong-un stated as he puckered his lips. “Being able to identify as Kim Kardashian only feels right.”
The ceremony will include a parade of plastic surgeons, paparazzi, and photoshop specialists.
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Decades-old yearbook photos are obligating politicians to give half-assed apologies for dressing up as Confederates, Nazis and black people at racist frat parties across Southern states. Continue reading “Some Politician Somewhere Half-Heartedly Regrets Photos From Some Racist Frat Party”
The Flatulence Association of Reflexive Tendencies (FART) has concluded a study that found 97% of males enjoy the smell of their own farts. The study was based on a sample size of 3,447 men across 27 states. Continue reading “Study Finds that 97% of Men Enjoy the Smell of Their Own Farts”
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It’s a great day if you’re a trust fund baby born with a small penis. A groundbreaking cure is set to hit the market to treat Tragic Insufficient Penis Syndrome, commonly known as TIP Syndrome. TIP Syndrome effects 500,000 U.S. males of the nation’s top 1% wealthiest. Continue reading “Cure Found For Trust Fund Babies Born With Small Penises”
Sigma Alpha Epsilon, SAE, member Brady Gates was apart of the fraternity for two years before realizing they weren’t who they said they were. After the fraternity at Oklahoma University held its family weekend, Gates made a realization that changed his life forever. Continue reading “Frat Boy Leaves Fraternity After Realizing They Aren’t His Actual Brothers”
Last year’s 83rd Grand Sand Castle Competition was plagued by scandals dubbing it Sandgate 2018. Nine contestants were disqualified for using imported sand from the Galapagos Islands where the beaches are renown across the world as having the best sand for building sand castles. Continue reading “The 84th Grand Sand Castle Competition Adds New Regulations To Prevent Sandgate 2019”
Hard at work or too busy being the cutest little Buzz Lightyear out there? Both! 25-year-old Rodd Ganss, won multiple awards for a costume he wore to a contest held at his work. Continue reading “Austin Resident Wins An Array of Awards For Being Utterly Adorable”