Category: Sports

Champion Dog Jumper Loses Accolades Over Sexual Assault Allegations

On Tuesday, the Federal Dogjump Association, FDA, announced its all-time champion will be stripped of its championship titles. Guss, a 6 year-old Chocolate Labrador Retriever, will have to surrender his three championship trophies, gold plated water bowls, and coveted collars.

During the training months of 2018, Guss allegedly humped a competitor before the training session started.

“In a true showing of toxic masculinity, Guss mounted and humped Moose,” cited the accuser. “It’s a sad reality that is gripping the sport.

Guss didn’t take these accusations squatting. “Showing alpha is an instinctual practice that has been utilized for centuries. To lose my notoriety over this is heckin’ ridiculous. Moose is no stranger to humping in the locker room.”