Category: In The News

Bill Cosby Hired as Craft-Bartender After Being Released from Jail

In a surprising move, the Pennsylvania State Supreme Court ruled to overturn Bill Cosby’s conviction. In an even more surprising move, upon his release Cosby was hired as a craft-bartender in the Greater Los Angeles area.

Ruf Lin, bar owner in West Hollywood, gave Bill Cosby’s career one last hope.

“I’m a long time fan.  I collect fuzzy sweaters, eat pudding two to three times a day and I also serve up the best drinks,” Lin said.  “If Bill can get his arthritis cleared up, he will be a great asset to my bar’s team.”

Cosby is set to start his first shift this Friday and will be introducing his unforgettable Cosby Colada.  Cosby instills craft, thought and decorative touches into his drinks that knock people’s socks off.   To preserve the integrity of his craft, Cosby is known to step behind a curtain to add his final, magical touches.

“Yes, I have heard he puts his secret powdered substance in drinks to ‘explore ones taste buds’ but I can’t remember if I’ve tried one or not.” Lin added. “Either way, I can’t wait to try it!”

Check in next week for the follow up story of Cosby’s unforgettable first night behind the bar serving drinks at The Knockout Bar.

If you’ve read this article up until this point thinking this is a real news piece, please get a grip on reality.

Cure Found For Trust Fund Babies Born With Small Penises

It’s a great day  if you’re a trust fund baby born with a small penis.  A groundbreaking cure is set to hit the market to treat Tragic Insufficient Penis Syndrome, commonly known as TIP Syndrome. TIP Syndrome effects 500,000 U.S. males of the nation’s top 1% wealthiest.    Continue reading “Cure Found For Trust Fund Babies Born With Small Penises”