It’s a great day  if you’re a trust fund baby born with a small penis.  A groundbreaking cure is set to hit the market to treat Tragic Insufficient Penis Syndrome, commonly known as TIP Syndrome. TIP Syndrome effects 500,000 U.S. males of the nation’s top 1% wealthiest.   

Chester Worthworth, a 27-year-old male who suffers from TIP Syndrome, has been waiting for a solution for years.  “You don’t know what it’s like to have everything in the world except for an average sized penis,” Worthworth pleaded.  “It’s absolutely detrimental to every aspect of my life.”

Worthworth believes his golf game, network, mortgage rate and of course his sex life will become ‘totally way better’ if he was able to cure his TIP Syndrome.  Luckily for Worthworth, he won’t have to continue buying bigger yachts to make-up for his ‘mosquito bite’ penis. Micropenis Laborotories, a biotech company based in Boston, has developed a topical cream that rejuvenates blood flow, increases cell count and maintains girth resulting in a larger penis.

“We’re here to change lives and make the world a better, bigger place,” Micropenis Technologies President Peter Scinphlute said. “We’re excited to bring value back to the lives of America’s financially elite.”

What will this cost trust fund babies like Chester Worthworth? Half of their inheritance.  The price may seem aggressive and over-the-top but it has been well received to those who qualify.  “Our price structure is competitive, current and correct. And what we like to say, you can’t spell ‘correct’ without ‘erect.”     

Worthworth agrees.  “How is that not a great deal? I give them half of my inheritance in exchange for a full life that’s ready to be lived and a full penis that’s ready to be loved,” he said.  “I already scheduled my jet for an Ibiza trip. I can finally say, ‘Let’s smash some chicks!’ or ‘Can’t wait to play some pipe tonight!”