In a desperate move to bring world-class talent to a talentless baseball club, the San Diego Padres offered star baseball player Manny Machado $300 million to swing a bat in Sunny San Diego. The Padres, who are now looking deep into their clubhouse’s couch cushions for loose change, have also started a GoFundMe page to help finance Machado’s contract.
An unnamed source within the Padres organization said, “Even though I’m borrowing money from my wife, brother, niece, estranged cousin, pool guy, masseuse and my first grade teacher to help chip in, we are very excited to have Manny join the Padres. We want people to realize San Diego actually has a pro-baseball team.”
After a quick Google search, it’s evident that the Padres are having much more than an identity crisis:
Machado definitely didn’t want to play for the Padres but obtaining the most lucrative contract in sports history probably helped changed his mind. Although the GoFundMe hasn’t raised any funds as of yet, the organization is hoping that will soon change. The Hampton Herald has decided not to share the link for the GoFundMe as it’s against our ethics to help promote a useless cause but if you’d like to help support a transgender boxer, please click here.