Fuz Suckers, a Boulder, Colorado carpet cleaning company, claims that the carpet of a two bedroom apartment on The Hill destroyed two vacuums on a routine carpet cleaning job. It wasn’t dirt, toe nail clippings, Doritos wrappers, top ramen, snake shit, condom wrappers, cockroaches, beer caps, or crushed up adderall that did the damage, it was marijuana.
Vack Hume, owner of Fuz Suckers, filed a lawsuit through the 20th Judicial District Court against the tenants to replace the vacuums that were damaged. The court date is set for April 20th, 2019 by request of the tenants.
“At the very least I deserve two new vacuums. The two vacuums now move noticeably slower as if they’re high off TCH or whatever these kids call it these days,” Hume said.
The two tenants, Ryan Brodog and Alex Leschill, claim they don’t owe Fuz Suckers anything. Instead, they think Fuz Suckers owes them one pound of “dank OG Skywalker” marijuna.
“Naw dog, we don’t owe that fool shit. He came all up in our place and sucked up all the dank weed out of our carpet. Shady, man, that’s just shady,” Brodog said when asked about the lawsuit.
“My pops is a lawyer so bring it on Fuz Suckers! You guys suck!” Leschill stated. “At least they didn’t break my new Roor with double shower head perks with a diffused down stem and ice catcher.”
When asked how one pound of marijuana ended up embedded in the carpet, Brodog and Leschill blamed, “rolling fatties, spilled grinders, and fat fucking tokes, bro.”
Hume said it isn’t uncommon to vacuum up marijuana, especially from apartments on The Hill, but this was an amount he had never seen. Authorities were never called to the scene but charges could have been pressed against Fuz Suckers for stealing marijuana from a medical marijuana patient.
“Those kids aren’t patients, they’re drug addicts,” Hume concluded.